


Three Word Memory

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, M/M, angst with happy ending, dancer!eren, levi is a grump, will edit tags and rating in coming chapters, working up towards adoption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-31 06:05:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1028140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Levi and Eren's 10th married year. Important life decisions needed to be made and words to be had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Word Memory

Levi is getting old. He could feel it in his back when he bends down to pick up the flyers delivery boys leave outside their door every fucking Friday (he had written many an angry letter to the pizza places to no avail). There's a pinching in his spine where there was once none. He could feel it in the uncomfortable tightening in his calves and biceps when he's holding Eren's legs up while he fucks into him every night, even when he's doing it nice and slow. Realizes 45 isn't as forgiving as 40 when he can't wake up at 6 a.m. and get out of bed right away like he used to. Not even stretching dulls the ache in his joints, nor the delicate sensation of his partner's fingers against the skin on the back of his arm.

It's a bit of a desperate situation.

It's not debilitating, exactly. Just damn annoying, made Levi feel helpless for the first time in his life. Eren had only just turned 30, and was currently in his prime. Of course, Levi knows 45 isn't dead (just a rapid decline towards it). However, when you have a spouse who is 15 years your junior, life doesn't exactly slow down for you when you want it to.

Levi would rather cut his own tongue out than tell Eren he's too tired to make love, or too sore to go on walks, or too damn cranky and annoyed to watch him practice his dances (as if he knew anything about foot placement after all these years, he just liked to see him bend). Not when he enjoyed all those little things that made up the much bigger components of their marriage. Not when he could take one look at Eren doing those things like he did everything, with so much energy and purpose, and forget the war within his own body. Not when he cared for his husband so much, Levi was willing to put up with a bad back or a headache for a couple of hours to see those eyes light up.

_'Ah, corny, corny, corny.'_

So life was such these days, and Levi thought perhaps he was okay with things being this way. One day, they'd both wake up and Eren would be tired too. Then their lives would go on and their days would always be quiet, tiring, and lovely.

Yes, for now his exclusive exhaustion was okay. It was fine.

Until Erwin fucked it all up.

\---

"Levi?"

"Hm...?"

"Do you think we could talk about something?"

It was Sunday, a little bit after lunch. They were both sprawled on their bed, had just finished doing ungodly things, cooling sweat on cooling skin. Levi didn't even bother to turn and look at Eren when he said, "Yes, but make it quick." After all, they still had to shower.

Eren bit the fleshy part of his bottom lip. Levi loved it when he did that.

"I spoke with Armin today."

"Oh? How are Mr. and Mrs. Smith doing?" he chuckled softly at his own, admittedly pretty lame, joke. 

Eren didn't seem to find it as amusing, forcing only a small smile before crawling atop Levi's chest like a cat. The younger placed his hand on his husband's cheek, gently nudging to face him, look only at him, blind Levi to the rest of the room like he knew he always did.

"Hey, I need you to be serious and listen to what I got to say for a sec, ok?"

Levi stared into the green of Eren's eyes and nodded, keeping his face as passive as he could despite his surprise. Not that Eren lacked the ability to be sincere, he just usually went about it in a much more headstrong and demanding way. He was never this...soft, entreating. There was a hint of pleading in his voice that wasn't normally there when Eren wanted his attention.

"I spoke with Armin...and um, he told me something interesting. Very interesting. And super awesome, actually." Eren sighed but continued, "It was so interesting, that it actually got me thinking about us. You and I, I mean."

"...Eren, just tell me what you guys talked about." Levi said quietly, encouraging Eren with his strong thumbs rubbing tender circles on the small of his back. He could see his spouse was having trouble maintaining eye contact, fiddling and playing with the course hair on Levi's chest. Ouch, not a good sign. This meant something bad (typically, just for Levi).

"Well, I'm not sure if Erwin's spoken about it with you... but him and Armin are," Eren took a deep breath, like a damn cartoon, and Levi would have laughed at how comical he looked if it hadn't been for- "They're adopting."

"Oh." Levi's hands stopped.

Eren ignored his reaction, looking somewhat relieved, the worst of it being said. It was like the floodgates of his mouth had been opened, and now he needed to lay out his case before Levi shut it all back up. And he _was_ going to shut it up. Because no. No fucking way.

"They're going to California to do it, because they don't require residency for gay couples to adopt there. They already know what agency they're going to use and all that, they're going to help them write up a case to present to the court why they should adopt and everything. And they want a little girl, isn't that exciting, Levi? Well, Armin wants a little girl, Erwin wants a boy but you know they're going to get a girl because Armin alwa-" Eren was stopped mid ramble by a calloused hand pressing against his small mouth.

Levi closed his eyes, suddenly feeling the weight of a full-grown man on his chest a bit too much to handle and began to sit up, effectively pushing Eren off him.

"Okay, not that I'm not happy for The Homosexual Couple of the Year or anything, but..." Levi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Why the fuck are you telling me this, Eren?"

"Because I thought...I thought maybe it was a good time for you and I to start talking about it, too."

"It's not."

"What?"

Levi looked up, eyes raw from rubbing into them too hard.

"I said it's not a good time, Eren. It never will be."

Eren just looked at him, expression confused and a little hurt. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Damn, I'm not saying we should go to California tomorrow or anything. I'm just saying maybe we could start a conversa-"

"I already said no." Levi said, so cold it surprised even himself. He took in a deep breath, chest aching at the wounded look on his Eren's face. But he couldn't relent. This is something he just can't budge on. He went on, "I don't want kids. I never have, I never will. You knew this before we even got engaged. Hell, I even think I mentioned it on our first date."

"Bullshit, you don't even remember our first date." Eren got up from the bed, grabbing his underwear from the floor and throwing it on before turning around and glaring at Levi who was still sitting up on the pile of sheets. Levi glared straight back, a surge of familiar anger bubbling in his gut. Of course he remembered, he remembered everything that involved Eren. He's just being a ridiculous little selfish brat ( _surprise, surprise_ ) and can't realize what a dick he's being to his _practically_ senior-aged husband. Well, if Eren wanted to get vicious, Levi could most certainly do vicious.

"You're right. I don't. I just remember what a sweaty, nervous wreck you were and how I kept asking myself why I even bothered going on a date with a clueless 18-year-old in the first place." Ah, yes. 12 years of being together allowed you knowledge of which buttons to press.

Eren's eyes widened, cheeks turning as red as a tomato. "Are you kidding me?! Do you even know what day it-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Levi got up then too, not bothering to find his boxers in the mess they left, "I'm going to shower. Remember to change the sheets. I'm not getting into this with you right now, or, actually, ever. So please shut up about it. Never mention kids to me again. If your 'maternal instincts' are too strong to ignore, we can get a cat."

The brunette stayed standing in the same spot as his husband walked passed him towards their en suite, shutting the door behind him. Levi hadn't looked him in the face, perhaps a bit afraid of what he'd see there.

(Lies. Knew he'd probably see tears welling up in his 'too-pretty-to-be-crying' eyes.)

Fucking stupid baby propaganda. Ruined perfectly good afternoon sex.

\---

Perhaps he'd said things a little bit more angrily than he'd meant to. Perhaps not as delicately as he should have. Definitely should have been kinder, wrung in his emotions more. He was always the cool-headed one in fights, Eren would no doubt notice how quick to anger he'd been. He'd find it strange, would wonder why this affected Levi so much.

And Levi just wasn't prepared to talk about it with him.

The older man closed his eyes and breathed in the steam surrounding him. Eren always told him it wasn't good for his skin to set the temperature to "scalding", but Levi found it was the only temperature he could stand when he was angry with himself. Perhaps it was a way of atoning for things? It was always his fault when Eren was hurting. He knew he'd (purposely) just hurt him pretty bad.

Eren didn't look it, but he was a sensitive as a bruising flower. And yeah, sometimes Levi used his vulnerable points, the ones only _he_ knew, against him. Despicable, yes. Eren never did that to him, never used Levi's OCD or his cold nature to get his point across. Would just try to...talk. Albeit, sometimes about stupid and pointless shit, but Eren never once went out of his way to hurt him.

Levi groaned into the cascading water, noise echoing off the tile. It sounded more monster than human.

Ok, so, maybe not the baby thing, but perhaps Levi should apologize for bringing up their first date? It hadn't exactly been... well, whatever, Levi would apologize for that.

And for not saying ' _Happy Anniversary!_ ' like Eren was so obviously waiting on all day. Truth is, Levi had been planning an elaborate dinner, complete with a vintage red wine he knew his younger partner would go crazy for. But damn it, it was a surprise. He loved surprising Eren.  
Loved watching the little shit get all riled up thinking he'd forgotten.  
Only to smash down those ideas like a brick wall, reminding him.  
Reminding Eren, "Yes, I'm here. I remembered the whole time. Don't you know by now? I love you, I love you, I love you enough to keep remembering these stupid dates to keep you smiling like an idiot."  
Loved the sex afterwards.  
Loved the hands wandering over skin, the kissing, the holding.  
Loved doing the things he couldn't physically bring himself to say.

Fuck.

He shut off the water pressure, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He stood up on his tip-toes, wiped the condensation from the mirror and looked at his reflection. Really looked. Saw the fine lines around his eyes, the peppering hair that used to be midnight black. 

He felt shame. The real, honest truth was he'd give anything to give Eren what he wanted _if he could_.

'Could you be a dad?' He mouthed to himself, not daring to even say it out loud.

\---

"Eren?" Levi called out through the house.

There was a sinking sensation when there was no response. He had gone to throw on one of Eren's T-shirts, secretly liked how baggy they were on him, when he had blanched at the discovery that most of Eren's clothes was missing from their closet.

"Eren?!" He called again, louder, desperate.

He wasn't in the study.  
He wasn't in the studio.  
He wasn't in the living room.  
And taped to the refrigerator door in the kitchen was a note-

"Happy Anniversary, asshole."

The sheets were changed, but Eren was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read :) I've been playing around with this AU idea for weeks, and I'm just really glad I finally decided to write it out, if only for my own selfish reasons. I just really fucking love adoption fics, idk. 
> 
> Currently almost done with the second chapter of this, and should be posted either tomorrow or the day after. 
> 
> I apologize for any mistakes. This is all kinda on a whim and decided not to have it beta'd but if you find any errors please let me know! 
> 
> p.s. I have a basic understanding of same-sex couple adoption laws in California, but if anyone finds a serious fault in what I write (be it in this chapter or the next 2) I'm so sorry. It's basically just a result of light research, and might not be 100% accurate!


End file.
